North, SOUTH, East, West by Sandra Timmons

If the opposite of “north” is “south,” then the opposite of Sanguine is Melancholy.  You remember the sanguine—the life of the party who loves crowds, doesn’t mind looking foolish if it helps the entertainment factor, sometimes seems irresponsible because details often escape him, occasionally gets into trouble at school for not paying attention to minor things such as rules—that sanguine?  Well, Ms Melancholy is the opposite of all of that (and more).  She is very prone to be an introvert, doesn’t make friends easily, is analytical (paying close attention to details), and is susceptible to being moody.  She is very thorough and will pursue a project until it is finished because of her perfectionist tendencies.  Since she doesn’t like to have attention focused on her, she really doesn’t like parties or large group functions; if she absolutely must attend one, she will enter as quietly and unobtrusively as possible, hoping that no one will notice her.

Do you see the potential for conflict if Mr. Sanguine and Ms. Melancholy marry?  Remember—opposites attract!  And if you happen to have a sanguine child and a melancholy child, life is going to be very interesting around your house.

As babies/children, melancholies are usually quiet, undemanding, and they like to be alone.  Even as infants, they appear to be thinking deeply.  They do best when on a schedule and will follow a schedule even from the very beginning.  As a matter of fact, they may become quite distressed when their routine is upset.  They respond best to a parent who is well-organized, and they do better in a quiet, tranquil setting.  Noise and chaos seem to upset them.

As teenagers, they may, as introverts, find it difficult to make friends.  They will often prefer to stay home working on homework, projects, etc. instead of going out with a group of teens.  As drivers, they are very careful, taking good care of their car (or the family car), being sure that such things as oil changes, etc. are done on time.  Being perfectionists, they are usually legalists, meaning they will rarely speed or break any other rules of the road.  They may even drive one mile under the speed limit, especially in the left-hand lane, forcing the faster drivers to have to slow down or pass them in the right-hand lane. 

Melancholies—How to Get Along With Them and Help Them

1.       Know that they are very sensitive and get their feelings hurt easily.  Watch your words and the volume of your voice.  Melancholies like to have quiet surroundings, so consider that when dealing with them.  Noise (especially loud noise) is truly stressful for them. 

2.      Remember that they are “wired” to be pessimistic at times.  This may sometimes even work into depression.  If you see signs of this, do not hesitate to contact a physician. 
--Don’t try to “jolly” the melancholies up but do encourage them to express their feelings.  Sometimes just sharing their thoughts with someone who is willing to listen in a non-judgmental way is all that is needed.
--Never imply/tell him that his problems are stupid or silly.

3.      Compliment them sincerely and lovingly but don’t be surprised if, at first, they are suspicious of your compliments.

4.      Accept the fact that they like it quiet and that they like to be alone sometimes.

5.      Try to keep a reasonable schedule for this child.  The most important part of a melancholy’s daily life is his schedule.  To feel secure, he needs to know where he’s going, when, and why.  If you are a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of person who is never really sure what is next on the schedule (a.k.a.sanguine), you will have an agitated, upset little melancholy on your hands.  You are the adult; you must make the changes for your child. 

6.      Be grateful that you have a deeply sensitive and emotional child.

Proverbs 27:12—A sensible man (a.k.a. melancholy) watches for problems ahead and prepares for them.  The simpleton never looks and suffers the consequences.