When Momma Bear Wants to Come Out...And It's Not to Play by Cynthia McCutcheon

When Momma Bear Wants to Come Out…

(And it’s not to play)

Recently both of my boys (Okay, young men that are 21 & 18) have gone through a deep heartache.  Really couldn’t only one have been enough?  No. Both got to experience it.  As a mom, I silently cried with them, prayed over them, talked with them for hours upon end and wanted to step in and fix it for them.  I know I couldn’t fix it even if I tried but that didn’t change the fact that I desperately wanted too.

One afternoon after watching my son sit under a tree in 100 degree heat with a breaking heart trying to figure out all that had happened, a rare feeling that hasn’t come over me in a long time sprang forward.

If I was watching in a mirror I know I would have seen the hair stand up on the nape of my neck, my shoulders pull back and my fist clench.  Although I had not seen her in a while I knew that the momma bear in me was jumping forward ready to defend her cub.

The scowl on my face revealed the thoughts rushing through my mind.

“How dare they hurt my man-cub?”

“Who do they think they are telling him he is not worthy of them?”

And on and on the thoughts sprang to mind.

Yes, I even thought about implementing new rules such as these.

Inside I ranted and raved and listed all the ways this person was wrong.  Sadly I judged their character, motives and yes even their walk with God.

I became so wrapped up in my thoughts that I began letting them out to my son.  Some of them he agreed with and they made him think and help process the situation. Then there were others that didn’t sit too well with him like my prayers had changed and instead of things to be worked out that he would be released from it.  Yep, he didn’t like that one too well at all.

Then after I began to cool down and probably after a large healthy dose of chocolate (that can happen right?) momma bear began to calm and reprocess.

Why do momma bears come out when our young are threatened?  Are we helping or hurting?  It can be situational especially when they are young, but as they age should we try to tame momma bear more?

I began to consider what are some ways that we can help our children deal with heartaches?  What are some ways that we ourselves can deal with them going through heartaches?  Yes, the old adage is true…When your kids hurt, momma hurts too!

So here are some things I came up with, and I hope that you will add some as well.

1.       Consistently have a steady walk with God daily.  Seeking Him and His guidance for all situations.

2.       Cover your children in prayer daily not just when crisis arise.  Ask God to draw them close to Him so that when troubles arise they will know He has it in His control.

3.       Allow your child to talk to you about the situation at their pace and don’t smother them...  especially boys.  I am fortunate that my boys will eventually talk to me but in their time.

4.       Make sure you always point them to God and His word.

5.       Thank God for His provision and protection over your child.  You never know that the situation of the heartache was God’s protecting hand.

6.       Let your child grieve at his or her own pace.  Lovingly encourage and be there but don’t try to rush them out of it.  (Unless you see unhealthy signs.)

7.       Don’t turn against the offender with hatred.  Pray for them as well.

8.       Above all give it to God and let Him handle it. 

My husband gave me some good advice about dealing with situations.  He said “Don’t let your emotions rule you, let God.” 

When we take that advice that momma bear---well, she’ll stay in check.

Now, let’s hear how you’ve dealt with the heartaches of your children.

 

My Fear as a New Mom...by Kristy Mullins

Every month I had many doctor appointments – injections, blood work, ultrasounds, procedure. Every month for 7 months we did this routine. I’d get pumped with hormones to see if I would ovulate, and if I did then everything else would follow. It was a mountain hike straight up every month. Then we’d wait a couple of weeks only to crash down hard. I grieved every month for the baby that was not there. I didn’t get to grieve long because we had to start the process all over again. When we finally called the fertility treatments over and unsuccessful, my body was still teeming with hormones which meant I could cry over toilet paper commercials.

Six to seven months after calling quits to the treatments we had a failed adoption. Trust and honesty is huge to me. I investigate insurance fraud, and I’ve been lied to more than I care to say. So when the birth mom was not completely honest with us, we pulled out of the match. I went into a deep depression in August of 2000, but at the end of September we had found the adoption agency we were going to use. They worked only with infertile couples and specialized in open adoptions. (Just for the record, if you don’t know all the details about open adoptions, please don’t voice your opinion or your fears out loud. If you can’t say something encouraging and wise, it’s best to keep your lips sealed. People would say the weirdest and harshest things.)

We went for the adoption orientation at the end of September, two weeks after that we were talking to birth parents, two weeks after that we were matched, two weeks after that we were meeting our birth parents. The birth mom was due at the end of December, but our daughter was born in January. I was blessed to be in the delivery room when she was born and took her first breath. Two days later, the most gut-wrenching day of my life took place. When the birth mom placed the baby into my husband’s arms and had to walk out without her baby. Sobs. Heartbreak. There’s just not a dry eye.

We took our daughter home to find my daddy had tied pink ribbons all over the tree in the front yard. Pink bouquets filled the house along with pink balloons. This day was a long time coming.

We put her bassinet by my side of the bed, so I could hear her and feed her in the night. I was told to expect to feed her every two hours. It was every four hours. I panicked when I slept past two hours, but she was sound asleep. Every snort or move of the blankets she made, I was awake. When she wasn’t making those sweet little baby noises, I was tense because what if something was wrong. FEAR had gripped me.

She quickly started sleeping six and then eight hours at night, but I didn’t. What if she had SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrom)? What if she choked and I didn’t hear her? What if God took her back? Isn’t that crazy!? My fear prevented me from sleeping well at night. I wasn’t joyful because fear ruled me. My fear was in the dark. No one knew until I confessed it to my mom. Through more tears and sobbing, I confessed that I wasn’t sleeping and that I feared that the God who gave me this baby would take her from me. It had been a three year journey to become a mommy, and I was miserably controlled by fear.

My mom asked me, “If God wants to take her, is there anything you can do to prevent him from doing so?” More sobs. That was a harsh reality. I had not been in control of my own body in order to give birth, and I wasn’t in control ultimately of the welfare of this baby. She was God’s. He was the one who had ordered her days and her footsteps. She was on loan to me. We had her dedicated at our church, and she had been dedicated at our home church in Shreveport because so many had been part of our journey, but that night in my baby’s nursery as I rocked her I dedicated her to God. I told God that I would not be stingy with this baby He had entrusted to me. Much like Hannah in the Bible who was also infertile, I gave my baby to God. I had to trust God that no matter what happened He had me in the palm of his hand and my baby in the palm of his hand. I had to trust that God had the best for me and my baby no matter what.

One of my friends asked to keep Erin overnight when she was about seven months old because she was wanting to dress her up and take her to her church. My promise to God was brought to my mind, and we agreed. Anytime we went somewhere with Erin, she freely went others. They loved on her, and she loved on them. She was happy, happy, happy. At one year old, she started going once a quarter to spend a week with Patrick’s mother in Mississippi. What a special bond G and Erin shared.

Erin wanted to go on a mission trip when she was in the third grade, so she and I went to El Salvador with our church to work with the Resendez family. She then spent a week with G, and then her other grandparents picked her up and took her for another week. So when the opportunity presented itself at the beginning of the school year in 2012 for Erin to take a two week trip to Europe with the People to People Student Ambassador Program, we had to prayerfully consider it. As I look back, I clearly see how God has been preparing Erin for this trip abroad. Was I nervous? There may have been one day that I was a little anxious, but I had learned a long time ago that my God has her. I see His hand on her. After M-Fuge this week, she feels she is being called to work with children in Africa. I guess we will be saving up for a mission trip there sometime in the next few years. God is good.

 

A Mom on the Edge by Holly Tunstall

When Kristy first asked me to write this blog entry I instantly said, “Yes.” Then as I sat down to write this I stopped and said, “What on earth was I thinking?” All the other people write such inspiring words. They offer advice and encouragement for other moms.  Well “WARNING,” I am not sure how encouraging or inspiring this blog will be. At the very least, maybe someone is going through something similar and can see they are not the only one about to lose it!

My story….. I am a mother of 3 boys. They are 11, 9, and 4. The one we will be discussing is my precious lil’ red-headed, four year old. Oh where, oh where do I begin with this….

Babies nap several times a day. My baby never napped, and I do mean NEVER. Still to this day my child does not sleep. He doesn’t nap at school during the day, and at night he is up until usually around 11 or 12 every night. On really bad days it could be even later like two or three in the morning. Sleep is just a lost cause, and no alternative therapies work. He wakes up bright eyed and bushy tailed every morning ready to start the day. Most children are cranky on no sleep. Nope, not my boy -- he is  happy, happy, happy.

Since Holt was born he has always had his OWN speed… and that speed is lighting fast. He was not walking but running by 9 months. He had his first broken bone by 8 months. He was a climber, jumper, flipper, and many other words that end in “er.” He was always into everything and could never be left alone. Busy! Busy! Busy!

His speed is so fast that it interferes with school life as well as home life. I know boys can be active, but hyper does not even begin to describe my child.  After being almost kicked out of preschool, we decided to take him to a doctor. I learned that not only is he hyper, but his whole body is going too fast. He has high blood pressure, rapid heart rate, elevated body temp, and he is in the 5^th percentile for height and weight, etc. Basically the doctors say his entire body is on hyper speed. He can’t grow because he goes so fast inside and out that he burns far more calories than we can get into him. The doctors say he is definitely hyper, but he isn’t a classic ADHD case. They broke their own rules and prescribed ADHD meds to a four-year old as a last resort. They say he is an extreme case. They say he desperately needs to slow down, but they don’t know how to do it other than with meds. So after much dismay, we are on ADHD meds, and they help a little but not a lot. All the meds do is barely get him through the school day, and some days they don’t even do that.

School has threatened to kick him out on more than one occasion, but they always give us another chance because they also agree that he is precious, and they too feel he truly cannot help the fact that he goes 150 miles an hour. Therapists say they can’t help him because he isn’t ADHD. They say he doesn’t have any learning disabilities. In fact he is extremely smart for his age. He isn’t mean, so he doesn’t need behavior modification. He doesn’t display attention seeking behaviors, etc… He just simply can’t stay still, and they say it isn’t his fault. The “diets” don’t work (at least not the ones we have tried). So at the end of the day my child “is ADHD, but he isn’t”… that’s the best diagnosis I can get.

We went out to dinner tonight as a family, and I sat and watched as my husband sat by Holt and constantly had to tell him to stop or move him, or physically keep him from moving. It is constant -- plays with silverware, napkin, sugar caddy, shoes of, shoes on, arms in shirt, touches his brothers, blows bubbles, climbs under table, bounces in booth, lays down, taps foot, taps hand, puts feet in air, etc --  and that’s just the first five minutes. I break a sweat just watching him. Then we switch seats, and it’s my turn. Going out in public is soooooo exhausting. People stare and even comment on some occasions about the way I handle him. I hate it! These people judge me, and they have no idea what I go through on a daily basis. They have no idea that I do have to physically grab my child, make him hold still, and make him look at me in hopes that his little brain will slow for just a second so that my words will get through.

 People often comment about hyper kids and say that all they need is just a good whipping, or they need better parenting. These people infuriate me! I am not a bad parent! In fact I think I am a pretty good one. My children are disciplined. A spanking will not make my child sit still. He has a problem and despite my efforts and the doctor’s efforts we can’t slow him down.  

SO for those of you who are reading this, If you have any advice I will gladly accept it. I really feel like what I am about to say is what I am supposed to write. I feel like maybe someone else needs to hear it, to know that they are not the only one who is ready to give up. It is okay to feel like this sometimes. I am at the end of my rope. I barely make it through the day most days. I have not slept for four years! At best I get a few hours a night. I am a wife and mother. I work full time, and I go to nursing school full time. I have a husband who works very hard to provide for our family, but in doing so is never home. I am up all night with my son, and then up all day also at either work or school. This is my life every day.

I’m angry a lot. I get angry at God too. I have no mommy to turn to for advice or support. I have no in-laws to help. I ask “Why” a lot. Why him? Why me? Why 2 normal kids and one who has problems? I look forward to work just to get away from him for a little while.

There are days when my phone rings, and its preschool calling, and I don’t want to answer.  I cannot handle this. We don’t take it day by day in my house. We take it hour by hour. I feel like I am constantly on him. I know he cannot help it, but to be honest that doesn’t really make it any better. He hates me most days, and honestly there are days that I just don’t really like him either. (Yes, I just said that some days I do not like my child.) There are times where I just want to walk away from all of it. But then……. at 1:00 am as my child is doing the hokey pokey in my bed (and I do mean actually doing the hokey pokey) dressed like part batman and part cowboy (because of course we have changed clothes 50 times today) and he turns to me with those huge blue eyes and that sweet smile and says “Momma, you are so pretty…. well except for those big cracks by your eyes…… wait, how did your face crack? Oh well I love you anyway.” I just laugh and I am reminded that God has a sense of humor, and he knows how to remind me that I will make it another day. And I do make it….. 

For I Know the Plans by Taran Holland

“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you,” Jeremiah 29:11

Jeremiah the prophet was speaking to the Israelite exiles in Babylon when he penned this verse. This promise, that the Lord’s plans for His people are so much better than His people’s own plans for their lives, was given after instructions of how the Israelites were to live for 70 years. To paraphrase this passage from my point of view; the Lord asks the Israelites to do things His way and in return He will turn their lives into what is best for them. For modern application, if I walk as the Lord asks me to, then I can trust that what He has in store for me is better than what I can put together for myself.

With this in mind I would like to share a story:

 The full-time job opportunity given to me began in December; January 7^th, was the first full week of this job. I was working full-time along side a woman who has spent more than 20 years doing Women’s Ministry. Oh, the experience I was going to get, and the mentorship that I couldn’t get anywhere else! God had finally supplied everything my family needed and then some. Our bills would all be paid, and I was still able to take classes alongside my husband to complete my degree in Women’s Ministry. This was going to be great.

That night I cried for 2 solid hours, thought of every way that my life was completely destroyed and how tortured I will be for the upcoming months. I told the Lord how He was wrong and this wasn't what was best for my family. I battled in those 2 hours of crying, a great desire to be angry at God's decision for me.  Yes, I was pregnant, Yes, I am pregnant. Yes, my world is changing; my body is changing, and I am often on the edge of crying. This is not my first child; in fact this is my third child. My third sweet, innocent, bundle of boy...oh, I mean joy...

Had the Lord forgotten His promise to take care of me, to bring things into my life that were good for me? How was a new addition to our lives going to be good? My new job would cease; classes would be put on hold. How is this going to be anything but a roadblock?

The Bible tells me that children are a blessing from the Lord and that I should get a full quiver...or maybe that my husband should have one...whatever it is :) Could I trust that this was part of God’s plan for my life? That through adding to our family, that my life would truly be better than my plan to continue in my perfect job and finish my degree?

Trust, trust God, trust what God tells me through His Word. Isaiah says “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” (26:3) God’s Word calls me to trust Him, and in return I will be in perfect peace! Perfect peace, oh to fully understand what that is. But God says it right to me, all I have to do is trust Him. Trust Him with my life everyday even after my salvation day; trust Him with my family, the increasing of members and the decreasing. Trust Him that His way is better than my way, that He alone knows what is best for me.

Since the day of discovery, my family has been on a crazy ride with God. One month later God brought a pastor into my youth pastor husband’s life. This pastor was looking for a church planting family and through a series of unexplainable events, lead him to my husband and our family. April 1^st we officially became church planters in the city of New Orleans. I did give up my perfect job, and I have taken a different degree. Within the next month we will be moving and about a month later we will welcome our new little man into our family. All of which would be so much harder if I were doing life my way.

Trust, even when you don’t see the end, even when it looks to you like the worst possible way to achieve anything good. Trust God because He asks you to and because He can be trusted with our everyday, our every decision, our every step.

North, South, East, and WEST by Sandra Timmons

We have visited the first set of opposites (sanguine[north] and melancholy[south]) and started on the second set by visiting the East (choleric).  Let’s finish the second set by heading west to meet the Phlegmatics.

Every family (in my opinion) should have at least one phlegmatic—more, if possible.  The phlegmatics are the natural peacemakers; they have a conciliating effect on others. They are usually humble and gentle and never seem to get upset, no matter what the circumstances, and they never hurry (which can sometimes be a wee, tiny bit of a problem).  They are kindhearted and sympathetic and never lack for friends because they make time for their friends.  Phlegs tend to be spectators in life, not getting too involved with the activities of others; they would rather listen than talk.  They tend to have a very dry sense of humor and a unique capability of seeing something humorous in others and in the things that they do.  The phlegmatics have an eye for detail and retentive minds which often enable them to be good imitators.  People in this group tend to come closer to being a totally balanced person than do any of the other temperaments.  They rarely function in the extremes or excesses of life but usually walk down the middle, thus avoiding conflict and decision on either side.  They are very competent and capable of leadership, but they would prefer working behind the scenes.

As babies and children, they are the easiest of all the temperaments to get along with.  Very little upsets them; they like to have friends to play with but are just as happy playing alone.  They are happy wherever they are and will tolerate a flexible schedule.  They do, however, like for their environment (room) to be neat and in order.

As drivers, phlegmatics are usually the slowest of all the temperaments.  They are usually the last ones to leave an intersection, and they rarely change lanes.  Most phlegmatics do not use freeway/interstate entrance ramps properly because they tend to want to slow down and almost come to a stop before entering the traffic instead of the opposite.  As teenagers, your phlegmatics will get few, if any, tickets and will rarely have accidents but can actually be a road hazard!

Phlegmatics—How to Get Along With Them and Help Them

1.       Realize that phlegmatics need direct motivation.  If a choleric parent has a phlegmatic child, the parent will need to help the phlegmatics learn how to set goals and achieve them.  Perhaps breaking goals down into attainable units will help them learn how to set up their own goals.  Sometimes just a compliment or a positive response is adequate.

2.      Don’t expect enthusiasm from phlegmatics; it simply is not in their nature to jump up and down or get all excited about most things. 

3.      Realize that they sometimes use procrastination as their method of control.  We all have methods of control which help us feel in charge of our own lives.  Since phlegmatics are rarely loud and/or outgoing, they can’t control their own lives as the other temperaments do.  Just be grateful that they have chosen a method that is not destructive—temper tantrums, anorexia, etc. 

4.      Insist that they make decisions.  This is not something that, as a general rule, they like to do, but they must learn that in everyday living, decision-making is a “must.”  It might help to remind them that decision-making is a form of controlling one’s own life. (see #3)

5.      Not only must they learn to make decisions, they must learn to accept and carry out responsibilities.  Phlegmatics can be very responsible people, but sometimes they must be given a little nudge in that direction. 

6.      Don’t allow them to be blamed for things they don’t deserve.  Because they are such peaceful people, they are often easy targets for some of the bolder temperaments. 

7.      Appreciate their even dispositions.  They are such pleasures to be around.  Florence Littauer believes that every family needs at least one phlegmatic.  And if they don’t have one, they should …import one!

Proverbs 15:4—Gentle words [as by a phlegmatic] cause life and health;
griping brings discouragement.

The Taming of the Text, Tweet, and Post by Jennifer Strecker

The Taming of the Text, Tweet and Post

I’m sure when James wrote about the taming of the tongue he did not anticipate the social media blowout that would be Text, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and now Snapchat. As I understand it, My Space is becoming obsolete. I guess to sum it up, my husband has often said to me, “Jen, it’s not what you say; it’s HOW you say it.”

My 19 year-old daughter, Sydney has become extremely adept at determining the mood, or as I call it, the weather forecast (fair to partly cloudy), created by a text, post, tweet, or chat.

She has had 2 teenage relationships in her short life. The first was in 11^th grade. I remember her getting upset when she got a text from her then boyfriend which read as follows: “OK Sydney.”  When she showed me the text I reasoned that it was an adequate response to her previous text of, “Do whatever you want. That’s fine with me.” It sounded copacetic enough.  “No mom, you don’t understand. He’s REALLY mad!”

I didn’t understand. I still have difficulty understanding. However, I have garnered a slight edge for those of you who will need this ominous skill to assist your young daughters (and sons) in the future.

Response in text ( from the boyfriend)	Meaning in Context (to the receiver-girlfriend)	Meaning out of Context (To the Parent)
Heyy!	He likes me He’s happy with me	That person can’t spell Hello!
K	He’s upset and it’s really not OK	That person can’t spell Short form of OK All is well
OK!	All is well!	The one text that actually means “OK”
MK	He’s upset and it’s really not OK	That person can’t spell Vernacular for OK All is well
Whatever	He’s mad Do whatever you want (which is not what the responder wants)	Great! That person is flexible You can do “whatever” you want That person is open to all options
ight	He’s mad Fine! Do whatever you want (which is not what the responder wants)	That person can’t spell It’s “alright” You can do whatever you want
Cool	All is well OR… He’s upset and it is really not Cool	All is well
Alrighty	All is well!	A cute sign off All is well
Sounds Good	All is well!	All is well!
Really?	He’s mad Are you serious? Really? Whatever!	That person can’t believe what you just texted That person wants to know if what you texted is really true
Later	He is mad OR See you later	Something is going to take place at a later time See you later

For those of you who have not understood Snapchat, it is a one to ten second video stream that your child can respond to or not. Unfortunately, if they opt for the latter, the sender can feel rejected and confused.  

“No man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison…. Out of the same mouth can come praise and cursing. “(James 3: 8, 10)

Put the word “text” into the previous sentence where you see the word “tongue” or “mouth.”  Encourage your children to communicate with friends, family and potential boyfriends/girlfriends in person. Admonish your children to confront their issues in real time, not in a “hashtag” on a tweet or Instagram. Explain to your children that subtleties in tone sent in a text effect the receiver just as much as if you have said it. Trails of sub tweets, Facebook posts and texts leave wounds that can be recalled instantly, over and over again.

It has been a daunting task to convince my daughter to call or visit someone in person when there is a question as to the intent or tone of a text or post instead of tweeting a subtle response for all to see.  My husband has said “any young man that tweets or texts a break-up message is not suitable for my daughter anyway.”  This, by the way (BTW), is a universal “no no.”

My Sydney is a lovely young lady and I am convinced she will be the wiser for taking some of our advice to heart.

I think I’m going to go tweet that! #loveher

North, South, EAST, West by Sandra Timmons

Since we have hit the North (sanguine) and the South (melancholy), let’s travel east to throw in a Choleric and really mix things up—because that’s what a choleric can do to a group (i.e. family).  Once you read this description, you will probably realize that you already know a choleric or two; they are hard to miss!   They are born leaders who are strong-willed, often self-sufficient, and very independent.  Cholerics are decisive and opinionated, finding it easy to make decisions for themselves as well as for others.  They thrive on activity and seem hyperactive or may actually be hyperactive.  They may often seem to be  “hard hearted” people because if they make a decision, they know they are right (and often are) and will run roughshod over anyone who gets between them and their goal.  They are often compulsive and feel as if they absolutely must change whatever they see that might be out of place or correct whatever is wrong;  they do not hesitate to straighten pictures in other people’s houses or remove lint from another person’s clothing. 

Cholerics are usually the most difficult of the four temperaments as babies.  They often sleep very little or, at best, irregularly.  When they are awake, they do not want to be left in their beds/rooms to play; they want to be where the action is—where the other people are.  They are often “in charge” of the family early in life because of a loud voice and/or temper tantrums, and it’s just easier to give in to them than to contend with them.  They make decisions quickly and easily (yes, even as children) and then demand to have their own way.  Cholerics often refuse to do as they are told because they want to “do it myself” (more than normal) and in their own way and time.  As they grow up a little (four- or five-year-old), they feel that they must win in every situation or, at the very least, find a way to “save face.”  A habit that they learn early (and then perfect in the pre-teen years) is to always have the last “word”—which doesn’t actually have to be a “word.”  It may actually be a grunt, an exaggerated sigh, or a roll of the eyes!

As teenaged drivers—well, God bless you, Parent!  They are often daring speed demons who constantly dart in and out of traffic.  However, (and I’m not sure if this is the good news or the bad news) they will rarely get tickets because they are crafty enough to keep an eye on the rearview mirror to watch for the police.  They are not wise handlers of money, and any chore you give them may be done at a frenzied pace to get the job done, but neatness and precision are not a concern for them.  One of Tim LaHaye’s quotes that I love is, One can usually spot the choleric’s yard while driving through the neighborhood.  Just look for miniature hedges and dwarf trees.  LaHaye says this is true because a choleric’s philosophy about yard work is, Do it once a year and get it over with!

Cholerics—How to Get Along With Them and Help Them

1.       Especially when your choleric is a baby or a young child, insist on and enforce a schedule. 
--Because of the choleric’s nature, the schedule should be somewhat flexible.  But the schedule relays to them the fact that YOU are the parent and, as such, YOU are in control.
--If there is no semblance of a schedule, they will feel (and usually are) totally in control.

2.      Insist that they carry out certain responsibilities.  It’s very helpful to have a chart on which you can mark which daily chores have been finished. 
--This accomplishes at least two things, not the least of which is that later, when there is a question (and there is always a question with a choleric child) about whether a task has been done, you have the chart to back you up.
--Another thing the chart does is to reinforce to the child that YOU, not THEY, are in control.

3.      Recognize that they truly are born leaders.  That means that those who deal with younger cholerics must show an equal strength, or they will be constantly pushing you around.  Just because they’re “born leaders” does not mean that you always have to be their follower.

4.      Insist on two-way communication with them.  Cholerics are not prone to discussion; they are prone to taking over!

5.      If your relationship with a choleric child is going smoothly, don’t look for trouble or do anything that might unnecessarily set off a negative reaction.  This does not mean that you must “walk on eggshells” in your own home; it just means to choose your battles.

6.      Be grateful for that choleric that God entrusted to you.  If nothing else, your prayer life will improve!

Proverbs 11:14—Without wise leadership (a.k.a.choleric), a nation is in trouble; but with good counselors, there is safety.