Friday, July 19, 2013

When Momma Bear Wants to Come Out...And It's Not to Play by Cynthia McCutcheon

When Momma Bear Wants to Come Out…

(And it’s not to play)

Recently both of my boys (Okay, young men that are 21 & 18) have gone through a deep heartache.  Really couldn’t only one have been enough?  No. Both got to experience it.  As a mom, I silently cried with them, prayed over them, talked with them for hours upon end and wanted to step in and fix it for them.  I know I couldn’t fix it even if I tried but that didn’t change the fact that I desperately wanted too.

One afternoon after watching my son sit under a tree in 100 degree heat with a breaking heart trying to figure out all that had happened, a rare feeling that hasn’t come over me in a long time sprang forward.

If I was watching in a mirror I know I would have seen the hair stand up on the nape of my neck, my shoulders pull back and my fist clench.  Although I had not seen her in a while I knew that the momma bear in me was jumping forward ready to defend her cub.

The scowl on my face revealed the thoughts rushing through my mind.

“How dare they hurt my man-cub?”

“Who do they think they are telling him he is not worthy of them?”

And on and on the thoughts sprang to mind.

Yes, I even thought about implementing new rules such as these.

Inside I ranted and raved and listed all the ways this person was wrong.  Sadly I judged their character, motives and yes even their walk with God.

I became so wrapped up in my thoughts that I began letting them out to my son.  Some of them he agreed with and they made him think and help process the situation. Then there were others that didn’t sit too well with him like my prayers had changed and instead of things to be worked out that he would be released from it.  Yep, he didn’t like that one too well at all.

Then after I began to cool down and probably after a large healthy dose of chocolate (that can happen right?) momma bear began to calm and reprocess.

Why do momma bears come out when our young are threatened?  Are we helping or hurting?  It can be situational especially when they are young, but as they age should we try to tame momma bear more?

I began to consider what are some ways that we can help our children deal with heartaches?  What are some ways that we ourselves can deal with them going through heartaches?  Yes, the old adage is true…When your kids hurt, momma hurts too!

So here are some things I came up with, and I hope that you will add some as well.

1.       Consistently have a steady walk with God daily.  Seeking Him and His guidance for all situations.

2.       Cover your children in prayer daily not just when crisis arise.  Ask God to draw them close to Him so that when troubles arise they will know He has it in His control.

3.       Allow your child to talk to you about the situation at their pace and don’t smother them...  especially boys.  I am fortunate that my boys will eventually talk to me but in their time.

4.       Make sure you always point them to God and His word.

5.       Thank God for His provision and protection over your child.  You never know that the situation of the heartache was God’s protecting hand.

6.       Let your child grieve at his or her own pace.  Lovingly encourage and be there but don’t try to rush them out of it.  (Unless you see unhealthy signs.)

7.       Don’t turn against the offender with hatred.  Pray for them as well.

8.       Above all give it to God and let Him handle it. 

My husband gave me some good advice about dealing with situations.  He said “Don’t let your emotions rule you, let God.” 

When we take that advice that momma bear---well, she’ll stay in check.

Now, let’s hear how you’ve dealt with the heartaches of your children.


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