Saturday, April 20, 2013
As a little girl, all you dream of is being a wife, a mother, a success in your career of choice, and being happy. Well, what does one do when one of these goals goes horribly astray? I was the wife, the mother, had a successful career and seemed to be very happy until one day my marriage ended without warning, and I was faced with a future as a single mom, with one income and lots of tears, uncertainties and fears.
Sixteen years had gone by, and I was in a very comfortable place, married, two beautiful girls, a wonderful career and financially sound. Then it happened. Marriage was over, two beautiful girls wondering what is going on, career on back burner and me wondering how to pay the bills. Does that sound like you? Familiar story? Unfortunately, it is all too familiar for too many of us.
Autopilot is where I found myself for many months after that day. Going to work to pay the bills, assuring the girls that we would be OK and juggling bill payments while crying myself to sleep at night wondering what in the world happened. Thanks to my amazing girlfriends at work who witnessed one of my many “breakdowns” suggested that I make two phone calls, one to my doctor for some medication and one to a Christian counselor. That was the beginning of the turnaround. I had been praying all day every day for direction and guidance from my Heavenly Father who never left me and who sustained me through the entire time, but I could not wrap my mind around the loss I was experiencing.
My counselor had me look at things in a different way. The very first thing she did was open her Bible to Mark Chapter 4 verse 35 and following. She read the passage, and it was the story of Jesus calming the storm. The part that we focused on was Jesus saying to his disciples, get in the boat we are crossing over to the other side. The significance of this story and how it related to my life was this: I will get to the other side of this life crisis and where will I let Jesus be in my boat -- the captain or a passenger. For me, who tends to be a control freak to put it mildly, allowing Jesus to be the captain was one thing that I had trouble with. But, at this point in my life, I was more than willing! That was the dawn of a new day. My prayer life changed, and my expectations were different. Each day I would get up with a new attitude that the girls and I would be fine and God was all I needed, period. Over the next few weeks I attended counseling sessions and learned how to allow God to heal my broken heart, which was a huge miracle. Then the biggest miracle of all came after a few months of debate and anguish, I forgave my ex-husband, yep, you heard me, I forgave him and I really meant it! To God be the Glory.
I made a decision that day to choose to forgive. It was not easy so don’t think I am super spiritual. God’s word commands that we forgive in order to receive forgiveness ourselves. I knew that I did not want to be that bitter woman that wears her ex-husbands infidelity as a badge and speaks badly of him in front of her children, no, that was not me. I wanted something different, something that would be honoring to God and my children. So, I choose to have an amicable relationship with their dad and never say anything about him or to him that would dishonor my girls or my God.
I had many assignments in counseling. The first one was to read a book called, “Torn Assunder: Surviving and Extramarital Affair”. The next book she had me read was, “Learning to Live, Laugh and Love again”. The last book changed my life forever. It was a Christian fiction novel, not a huge fan of fiction, but I complied. The book was called, “Redeeming Love”. I could not put it down. This book illustrated the story of how a man, Michael, would search for his true love that God had for him. When God showed her to him, he was somewhat shocked at who and what she was. Reading this book led to my next assignment… the top 10 list! Yep, you guessed it. She had me make a list of the top 10 qualities that a man must possess to be “date worthy”, with the first 3 being non-negotiable. I did not really even want to think about dating again but the reality was that it would happen, sooner than later and I needed to be ready to make godly decisions for me and my girls.
Being a single parent of two young girls is a wonderful challenge. When thinking about bringing a man into their world, you have to consider so many things. First, I did not want to date around. I prayed that God would send me a husband, quickly! That He would make it very clear who it was to be and that he would be the man who met all of my “top 10” requirements. You know, God has a remarkable sense of humor. He just laughed at my list and said, “Oh baby girl, I have that list taken care of, and I love you so much more than that, the man I have for you is so much more wonderful than you could ever hope for or imagine”.
I only attended counseling for a couple months and no longer take medicine for depression or
So, if this story sounds like yours, hold on tight to your faith, God will answer your prayers and He will never leave you or forsake you.