Sunday, May 12, 2013
What My Mom Did Right by Claire Sader
My mother and I have an amazing relationship, and we have this relationship not just because she’s my mom, but because she has always been there for me. When I would come home from school and in my mind i had the worst day ever and thought my world was over, she was always there to listen to my “horrible” day and encourage me. Those times always made my days better, and if it was a more horrible than a normal “horrible” day, we would just have to make a stop at marble slab, because ice cream always makes it better! But being able to look back on the crazy things that I thought was going on in life or even the best times in life, I can always remember my mom being right by my side through them all. Four things that my mom always did or showed me, that made all the difference in my life were:
First thing, which is extremely important, is your kids need you to know that you love them! I have heard from many people who knew their parents loved them, but they never once heard them say the actual words to them. Your kids need to hear those words, because no matter what they do in life, good or bad, they need to know you love them. My mom tells me that she loves me every day and sometimes even multiple times a day. When we get off the phone with each other or leave each other to go do something with friends or other family, the last thing we say to each other to end our time together is “I love you.” I know sometimes life gets busy and that doesn’t always seem important, but I know no matter how much time it has been since I have seen or talked to my mom, the last thing she told me was that she loved me and that is what I remember till we talk again, whether its later that day or a couple days from then.
Secondly, listen to them; they need to feel like their voice is important to you. You may have had a difficult day at work and are tired and don’t want to hear about everyone else’s bad day or great day, but your kids’ days are important, and they have been waiting for you to get home to tell you all about it. Sometimes they don’t want to talk about their day, but they still want to feel like you care to hear about it. I remember days when my mom would come home and say “how was your day” or “what did you do today,” and I would say “it was fine” or “nothing,” even when that wasn’t the total truth. Since she asked I knew that she cared to hear about my day, so when I was ready to talk I knew she would be there to listen. When you listen to them, it opens them up to communicate things to you, instead of going to their friends or other people for advice. I knew that no matter what I had done or what question I had about something, my mom was there to talk to me about it and guide me to make the right decision. So listen to your kids and let them know you are there to help them through things even when it may be hard for them to come to you.
Third, it is OK to tell your kids NO. At the time, we think that it is the end of the world that you told us that we couldn’t do something. But we all need boundaries as kids, and you as the parent are placed in our lives to make them for us. At the moment they may “hate” you for it, but in the end they will see that it was the best thing for them. I may have been so mad and not wanted to talk to my mom for days because she told me I couldn’t go do something that I thought was totally innocent, but when it was all I over, I learned what my mom saw all along. And as kids we think our parents know nothing and they were born yesterday, but every single day I see that she knew more than I could ever have thought because to my surprise she had already lived through that and was my age at one point in time. You are there to lead your kids, so lead them no matter how mad they get, they will soon see that you were only looking out for their own good.
And lastly, guide your kids in the ways of the lord. You are the person who gets the privilege to tell them about God, and lead them into a personal relationship with him. When they come to you with problems and want advice on what to do, give them godly advice. Build them up with biblical truths that they can lean on later in life. Don’t just tell them what the world would expect from them, but encourage them in the way that God tells us to live. Those principles will stick with your kids and grow them into better people, and that will make the BIGGEST difference in their lives!!